Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again
by Rinna Zeki-Xiphos
Summary: Could I just go in, long enough to know his prescience was somewhere in there, long enough to at least whisper the one word that just might somewhat free my chained soul? I just needed to tell him goodbye....


A/n: I'm really on a spree for writing songfics to the ending of FFIX, aren't I?  Don't read if you hate spoilers or whatever.  Also, I slightly altered the song. o.O  The original first stanza goes

You were once my one companion . . .

you were all that mattered . . .

You were once a friend and father -

then my world was shattered . . .

The father part clashes with it, so I didn't put it in.  Who cares.

I own Final Fantasy IX!!! well, at least a copy of the game XD  Squenix owns everything else.

Andrew Lloyd Webber owns 'Wishing you were somehow here again'.  I don't remember who did the lyrics.  I could go check my piano book and see, but that would take too much work.  Seek the truth!  Find the answer yourself.

"Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again"

            Clear blue skies.  Sometimes I felt that if I saw one more clear blue sky that I would have to go up to the sky myself and give it a piece of my mind.  I knew I shouldn't be so bitter, I really did…but sometimes it was just hard not to, especially on days like these, when I could stare into the sky and see the exact color of his eyes…

"Queen Garnet?"

"Not now, Beatrix," I sighed.

            It's as if they did it just to hurt me.  I knew that Beatrix and Steiner wouldn't do such a thing, I knew it with all of my heart…but sometimes I just couldn't think with my heart.  Only my bitter mind.  I looked back into the sky again, wishing it was his eyes I could see.

_You were once my one companion . . . _

_you__ were all that mattered . . . _

_You were once a friend and more - _

_then__ my world was shattered . . . _

"The performance of 'I Want To Be Your Canary' is tonight," Beatrix said through the closed door to my bedroom.  "You might want to rest up for it."

            I didn't want to see 'I Want To Be Your Canary'.  That was the first time I'd met him…and I didn't really even want to think about him, anymore.   I wanted so badly just to move on…but he'd captured my heart, and hadn't bothered to give it back when he went back into the Iifa Tree for the final time that fateful day.

"Okay," I called back to her without much enthusiasm. 

            I didn't want to sleep.  Sleep was only a teaser for me…when I'd sleep, he was real…I'd wake up expecting to see him there, and then he wasn't…he should be, but never was…

_Wishing you were somehow here again . . . _

_wishing__ you were somehow near . . . _

_Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed, _

_somehow__ you would be here . . . _

I was tired, though.  I hadn't slept in the last two nights and it was all catching up to me.  Too much more of this and I'd just be a royal grouch.  I stretched out across the bed, closing my eyes and telling myself I'd only rest.  I sat up and walked over to one of the newer contraptions that had been invented.  Beatrix called it a record player.  She'd given it to me as a birthday present, and Steiner had gotten me a lot of Lord Avon's plays on records.  All you did was put the disc on the player, put a needle to it, and then people would read you the plays.  I didn't care for it so much.  I preferred reading the books myself, but it was useful when I didn't want to go to the library, or when I had a headache and didn't feel like reading the words.

            I heard 'I Want To Be Your Canary' come through the speakers despite the fact I'd be hearing it later this night.  The voices were dull and monotonous, or at least I thought so.  Marcus, Blank, Cinna…they'd all done a better job.  And Zidane…what I wouldn't give to see him perform again…

            But that would be a dream that would never come true.  I mentally cursed myself.  Zidane would probably not be happy if he saw me moping around over him.  He'd want me to be happy.  Shame I needed his help to pull that off.

_Wishing I could hear your voice again . . . _

_knowing__ that I never would . . . _

_Dreaming of you . . . _

_won't__ help me to do all that you dreamed I could? _

I finally decided that sleep was impossible, and walked down to the library.  A few Knights of Pluto were there.  I smiled faintly.  Zidane never got along with them.  They just weren't his type, seeing as how he was nothing like them…oh, yeah, and they didn't like the idea of me with him… 

_Passing bells and sculpted angels, _

_cold__ and monumental, seem, for you, _

_the__ wrong companions - _

_you__ were warm and gentle . ._ .

"Dagger!" I heard a familiar voice call out.  I turned around to see Freya standing there, Vivi and Eiko behind her.  "Hey, come here!"

            I ran over, wondering what was going on.

"You wanna come on a ride with us?" Vivi asked.

"What?" I echoed.

"Amarant learned how to fly The Invincible, and we're going to go take a ride.  Do you want to come with us?" Freya inquired.

"Yeah…sounds like fun," I forced a smile and followed them out.  Surely Steiner and Beatrix wouldn't miss me for too long…especially if they were together…

            Freya and Eiko rushed me to the Invincible, Vivi trailing slightly behind us.  We had to get out as quickly as possible—Alexandria probably wouldn't like their queen running off on a quick road trip. 

"How's it going, Dagger?" Amarant asked as we got in.

"It's good, and you?" I asked, feeling awkward in my dress.  I longed for the orange jumpsuit and white shirt I'd donned in my adventure days.  It was so much more comfortable than this.  I ran a hand through my hair, noticing it's length.  I wondered if I should cut it off again, although image wasn't too important.  I was definitely queen, there was no hiding that.

            I was sure Amarant didn't notice, but as he flew past the Iifa Tree I found myself wondering if he was in there…if Eiko could re-break the seal she'd put on it after our adventure…if I could go in and search until I found him. 

            Why did I have to have these memories?!  Why did they continually haunt me?! Why wouldn't they just go away?!

"Amarant…"

            Could I just go in, long enough to know his prescience was somewhere in that tree, long enough to at least whisper the one word that just might somewhat free my chained soul?  I just needed to tell him goodbye.  I didn't want to, but I had to learn how to live again…I had to move on.  I couldn't continue like this, not for much longer…even if I couldn't do it, I had to try.  I just couldn't proceed through life like this, always looking back.  Zidane…help me…

_Too many years fighting back tears . . . _

_Why can't the past just die . . .? _

_Wishing you were somehow here again . . . _

_knowing__ we must say goodbye . . . _

_Try to forgive . . . _

_teach__ me to live . . . _

_give__ me the strength _

_to__ try . . . _

I don't remember the rest of the ride.  Freya and Eiko took me to the bridge and we went back to Alexandria.  They left me in the care of Beatrix and Steiner, who sent me to my room.  I closed my eyes and made a vow to myself.

_No more memories, _

_no__ more silent tears . . . _

_No more gazing across _

_the__ wasted years . . . _

_Help me say _

_goodbye__._

It was time to move on…if that was possible.

A/n: …it doesn't have a happy ending!  Maybe I can just make this the prequel to 'Take Me Away' XD  I want a happy ending!

But whatever…

Hope you enjoyed it!

Xiffie


End file.
